Being Mindful of Your Family’s Mental Health

When it comes to the health and well-being of your family, mental health is equally as important as physical health. While a fever, injury or infection aren’t so easily overlooked, signs of mental health struggles or concerns can be missed. It’s important for parents to know how to recognize signs of mental health concerns, and the whole family needs strategies for managing stress, which can lead to anxiety and depression. 

Rosanna De La Rosa, MA, LCMHC, NCC, supervisor of WakeMed Outpatient Behavioral Health Services, says young kids frequently don’t communicate what they’re feeling or thinking, so it’s important to be observant and notice any changes in behavior. 

“It’s also not uncommon for teens and adults to hold back or hide their feelings,” said De La Rosa.

As the mother of three, ages 6, 10 and 13, De La Rosa says there are many times that she calls on her clinical skills to figure out what is going on with her loved ones. She wants to share some insight and tips with other parents to help them troubleshoot concerns and find ways to encourage positive mental health for the whole family.

Prioritize Communication

Making time to talk and listen can go a long way in creating positive mental health for families.

If you notice anything concerning, don’t ignore it. 

“Check in with loved ones at the first sign of distress and ask if there is anything going on that is upsetting or bothering them,” said De La Rosa. “Avoiding conversations about significant changes in behavior is never helpful.”

She shares that a child or partner may initially say nothing is wrong, but you can let them know what you are seeing and leave the door open for talking when they are ready. For example, let them know that you noticed they are screaming or yelling a lot and point out that isn’t something they usually do.

“Just knowing you are paying attention and noticed sends a strong message to loved ones that you care and will be there when they need you,” said De La Rosa.

Keep in mind that closed-ended questions might only generate a simple “OK” or a “No”. The best conversation starters usually involve sharing, too. So, tell them about your day and ask about theirs in a way that lets them talk about whatever is on their mind. 

For example, De La Rosa suggests keeping it simple with, “Tell me about your day.” Or ask them to tell you something interesting that happened during the day.

Adults also tend to avoid talking about their day, especially when it’s been tough.

“Sometimes we just pull away and default to expecting people to just know why,” said De La Rosa. “Don’t expect your family to be mind readers.” If adults in the family can get into the habit of proactively sharing when they’ve had a rough day and calmly explain if they need a little time or aren’t up for talking at a specific moment, that sets a good example for children as they learn how to express themselves when they’re upset or sad. De La Rosa says that kind of communication also sends a clear message when you need a little time for yourself. “It lets the whole family know that you are not shutting them out, but you are human and just need a little recovery time.”

Family Communication Strategies

Consider these strategies to keep the lines of communication open within your family:

Prioritize Regular Family Chats

Schedule time for conversations to stay tuned in, provide open channels of communication and offer support to one another.

• Talk about family changes so all are aware and involved.
• Allow time for sharing feelings and check in on each other.
• Discuss healthy decisions and revisit family priorities regularly.
• Agree on household responsibilities and revisit them regularly to address concerns.

Plan for the Future

Making time to talk about the future can help with planning ahead and make everyone feel involved in decision making.

• Identify busier times for the family and make plans to manage them.
• Have open conversations about financial goals and budgets.
• Talk about individual educational goals and aspirations.
• Create and share plans for the care of aging family members.
• Discuss safety checklists and emergency plans; practice drills together.

Keep the Basics in Mind

Kids need these basic things for good mental health:

• Unconditional love from members of their family
• Playtime with other children and with you
• Support and encouragement from their family, caretakers and teachers
• Guidance and appropriate discipline
• Nurturing of self-confidence and self-esteem
• Safe and secure environments

Assure Safety & Support

“Sometimes a kid is not in a place where they feel safe and comfortable sharing, so make sure they know you can wait and that you’ll talk about it when they’re ready,” said De La Rosa. “Let them know you are worried about them and that, if needed, you will reach out to others to help.”

Acknowledging and giving kids and teens a safe space to talk without judgment when ready is important. You might need to speak with their teachers or school counselors for a team-minded approach, and De La Rosa says it’s ok to let your children know you are going to talk with others who care about them. The most important thing is for them to consistently hear that you care and are there for them. 

Tips for Tuning In

Communication can come more naturally when families put routines and strategies in place that help keep everyone engaged. 

“Try a few of the tips below, but don’t try to force a lot of change all at one,” said De La Rosa. “When you or others are feeling overwhelmed, it’s important to take things slowly and figure out what works well for your family.”

• Find regular times to talk and really listen.
• Allow time for sharing afterschool, during mealtimes, and at bedtime.
• Put away your own digital devices as much as possible when together.
• Explore new activities and places as a family.
• Share responsibilities: make sure you don’t expect too much from kids all at once.
• Seek opportunities to be creative together – plant a small garden or tackle a home project.

Navigating Big Life Changes

When families endure major changes, it’s important to know that you as a parent do not need to figure everything out on your own. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, are enduring an illness, or the makeup of your household has changed, De La Rosa encourages parents to build their own support system and lean on family and friends to help provide extra help. She cautions parents not to overburden children with new responsibilities during times of major change. It’s great and very healthy if they want to pitch in a little more, but De La Rosa says it’s important for parents to make sure they aren’t expecting too much from their kids.

“A separation, divorce and even a happy, new addition to the family can really shake things up and make everyone feel out of sorts,” said De La Rosa. “One of the most important things you can do for children during challenging times is make them aware of the things that may be changing while prioritizing consistency with their routines and activities whenever possible.”

Caring for the Mind & Body

Building positive mental health starts with being kind to yourself. Try the tips below, share them with your family and encourage each other to take time for self-care.

• Write, draw or talk about how you’re feeling.
• Take deep breaths.
• Log off from constant streams of news and social media.
• Pursue new hobbies and make time for your interests.
• Keep your routine as much as possible; make sure it includes breaks.
• Acknowledge and be proud of both big and little accomplishments.
• Get plenty of rest and try to keep regular bedtime and morning routines.
• Play sports or find other physical activities that you enjoy.
• Spend time outside. 

Signs of Distress

When kids or adults lack coping skills or run out of resources to manage stress, they can have a negative emotional reaction. De La Rosa says it’s important to watch for the following signs in kids:

Serious Warning Signs

• Passive or active suicidal thoughts
• Self-harming

Emotional Indicators

• Ongoing worry or anxiety
• Sadness that persists
• Significant changes in mood
• Change in personality (they’re not being themselves)
• Loss of interests

Behavioral Changes

• Aggression
• Irritability
• Hyperactivity
• Easily upset
• Overly impulsive or reactive
• Snapping at you or others
• Screaming or yelling more
• Frequent angry outbursts

Academic or Social Challenges

• Decline in school performance
• Isolating from others
• Refusal to go to school

Physical and Psychological Symptoms

• Sleep disturbance
• Changes in appetite
• Consistently having nightmares

If any of the above concerning behaviors arise, don’t delay talking to your child’s pediatrician and/or a mental health professional. Be mindful when coping strategies are not working, and the behaviors, actions or emotions of youth are causing risk of harm to themselves or others. That’s when families need to seek professional support. 

“If a child or adult is struggling to regulate their emotions or falling into deep depressive episodes, seek help right away,” said De La Rosa.

Mental Health Crisis & Suicide Lifeline 

CALL OR TEXT 988
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

This is reprinted from Families First. If you would like a hard copy, fill out our online form to subscribe.